being wiser, and only a little older

As of yet, I have managed to keep my blog private.  I'm usually one to blurt out, "hey, check out what I've been thinking".  But this time, I want to be stumbled on.  That, and for now, I can get all the stuff I don't say off my chest.
So I'm single, been so for a bit.  I have been fine with it for a while, after having a "boy-crazy" stint late last year.  Luckily, it was just one guy... I wasn't THAT crazy.  It obviously didn't work out, as signaled by my current status.  He's happily coupled, as most of the guys I have developed feelings for are.  I am honestly happy for them, and surprisingly, not jealous.  That's the prompt for my recent posts.  Call it growing up, giving in, whatever.  My addiction to love and be loved is still present, I am just not going nuts for it.  Besides, I figure any relationship that starts during the holidays could just be seen and felt out of desperation.  I deserve better than that.  It doesn't affect the mini-crushes I have been developing lately.  I have just told myself I am not going to pursue them, this season or the next.  I've always been the aggressor, and it never has worked in my favor when it came to romantic relationships. Whatever it is that I feel I need, I get from my family and friends (and no, I don't do the "with benefits" kind).  With obvious exceptions, I get the attention I need in small doses; enough to keep the desire to be coupled at bay.  I am a very loving person, looking for any excuse to spoil ones I care for. It's like I have to release some of my affection, as if it were a liquid in a constantly replenished container.  The pressure would build too high, and I would explode.  So I do small things (drive to see far off friends for an evening), big things (buy and cook an amazing meal w/ dessert-of which I barely eat any) and huge things (once "kidnapped" a boyfriend and took him on a 3 day trip- all expenses paid).  The container never goes empty, and rarely goes low... all that I "give" comes back to me, and then some.  Even when it is not reciprocated, I feel more full of love and affection.  It used to lead to me being used, and I have been getting smarter at not letting that happen.
Call it growing up, giving in, whatever... it just is.