Confessions and promises

A year ago, I had gastric bypass.


I had tried almost every diet, was classified as fit, but was obese. Most times, I would lose up to twenty pounds, only to gain it back. I had to do something drastic, something to literally ‘reset’ my system. I opted for bypass versus lap band because, at our current understanding of the two, it is IMPOSSIBLE to develop diabetes when your anatomy has been reworked (bypass), versus normal absorption of food (lap band). If I never lost a pound, I would be overjoyed that the misery my mother had with her diabetes would never be a shared experience. Two days after her surgery, she was completely off all diabetic medications. Though her neuropathy is still present, it will not get worse.

The x-rays, 15 tubes of blood drawn, breathing tests, cardiac scans, required psychological evaluation and counseling were nothing. I drug my feet when they took my “before” weight. The scale… it was a giant metal disc, used to measure cattle weights. I barely qualified.
When I awoke from surgery, it was a short success. My family took vigil for the first day, doping me on morphine to keep me asleep. I had to have two more surgeries because of complications- the outlet for my new stomach was too small and had to be opened up a bit each time. The promise of weight loss was icing on the cake, though not being able to tolerate even water for a week did drop quite a bit.

It was not my holy grail, but a tool to help me get healthier and avoid a path I seemed doomed to walk. My diet changed slightly; my tastes changed a bit more. I had to cut out tomatoes… OMG, I miss them. But my tummy gets so angry when I have raw ones. I can eat almost anything now, just in smaller quantities. I crave the foods my body needs. When I get stressed, I want meat. I eat more NOW then I did before. I consume more calories and more fat now and lose weight. Talk about confusing. Though, I admit... I need to tone and exercise more. I think it would be great to rock a bikini next year. For now, I try to not draw much attention, as I am not accustomed to it.

So soon, soon I will look at my body as a whole… and will share it. Until then, I will work on my writing projects and sneak in some stretches.