sorry for the delay

Hi luvs. I've been a bit busy, but more so dealing with lots of stuff. We've all got baggage, and mine (recently) got a bit heavy. I partly did it to myself, and had or having a run of bad luck. I wake each day hoping for things to go my way, but know that can't be the case always. Tis just been a while... but oh well.
So you already know I cried hard for the 1st time since putting my ex behind me. You know it WAS NOT because of feelings for him, but anger at myself for not making the sweeping changes I desire in my life. And that I was utterly Pissed Off that someone I consider a deficient human being should not be allowed to smile. Especially when I have trouble remembering when exactly I had a moment of bliss. But that's just my vanity showing; that I consider myself a good person, choosing to be incapable of the atrocities a lot of "sweet people" can do. I'm not the judge and jury, but secretly wish I could be executioner, to some that handed in their nice cards a long time ago (if they ever actually had one). I'm exhausted that overgrown car salesmen (ie, Ex), waltz through life, while I struggle with the steps.
The timing was rough, but when it not?
I had started to open up, to hope for what I thought were impossible dreams. I shared them... and in each path I tried to walk, got kicked in the stomach. I know that progress has been made... but dammit... I'm greedy now. I see things going good & bad...and wish for either! I'm tired of feeling behind. I know it's not a race... but I can do this... I want in to the game. I've been an adult since I was 12... I have the responsible part down... where's the fun shit?
"Come to the darkside...we have cookies"... Sorry..I'll stick with this pile of crap.
So as I try to wade through the disrupted images in my head, placing them back and tossing the ones I want to delete, I'll try to remember to post.
Been missing you... wish we weren't all stressed. Life's running quick for all of ya... the quiet is driving me natty.