Battles

I created the Sound of Madness.
Wrote the book on pain.
Somehow I'm still here,
To explain,
That the darkest hour never comes in the night.
You can sleep with a gun.
When you gonna wake up and fight... for yourself? - Shinedown, 'Sound of Madness'

The song is a bit harsh, but it's one of my anthems.  It's one I crank when I encounter someone that I can't "save". When the Ms Fix It in me knows that failure is the only outcome.  When I am the only one fighting a war that is not my own, victory is lost. I've learned it the hard way many, many times.
I've walked away. I've been accused of being heartless, abandoning someone in their hour of need, been cussed and cast out when I left.
I've stuck around, being dragged down into their hell.  I found a way out easier than them, because the chains that held me there were not of my design.
I have seen both sides of this coin, played games with Fate... gambled my sanity in hopes of saving someone else's.  I've won, I've lost... and figured out that when they refuse to fight... victory is an illusion I cannot afford to pursue. 
I've had my own breakdowns, hidden myself away behind walls meant to protect me.  The same walls became a prison, and I was alone. I didn't bother looking for a door or window.  I refused to fight... and lost.  But it was only a fight, not the war. No, the war isn't over until my last breath. That... that I intend to win.
I have people that depend on me; family, friends, people I have yet to meet.  But before them, I have to depend on myself.
If I can't stand on my own, I can't lift someone else.  They have to wake up and fight... for themselves.  When they pick up their weapon, I'll be there.
And when I can't fight; when I refuse to fight... I have to understand that my family and friends are not abandoning me.  They know they can't fight the battles for me, I know it too.  So when the dark is too much, other help has to be sought. 
Some have faith, medicine, hobbies, secret places or therapists.  Not all work, and sometimes they continue to slip into oblivion.
I may not be able to win my battles alone, but I have to be one to strike blows.  I've also learned it takes more than two to effectively beat back the dark.  Yes, one candle can hold back the night, but eventually it will burn down.

Don't fret, I'm doing ok.  The subject was on my mind, and I thought it was worth posting.