Square peg in a round hole

I went shopping for clothes... alone. The mission: Pants.
Even with my knowledge of sewing and armed with tape measure numbers jotted on scrap paper, I was clueless. I know I am too tall to fit in Petites, so I could at least skip one corner of the store. Then I realized the concept of "vanity sizing". Some designers try to make customers feel good by putting a size 4 label on a size 8 garment, or size 10 on a 14. Old Navy is notorious for this. I wanted a more true measure, so I skipped that store.
The plus size specialty shops are for those with a fuller, lower bustline and wider hips.When I lose weight, it's bust and legs first. I need pants to fit my waist and skim my legs, lest I get the "un-professional attire" talk again.
That leaves Misses and Juniors... and I am not quite in Junior territory... and Misses is for "average" body types. I've never been accused of being average, lol. My torso is longish, so most of the mid-rise pants are hip huggers on me. So I settled on trying Kohls and Target.
Add in that I wanted the pants to be cheap, since it is likely they will be too big before long. Clearance rack it is!
I had grabbed 12 pairs of pants... in every number from where I was the last time I knew my size to the 'vanity size' of a pair of pants that are a little too big. Some fell to the ground as I zipped them. Others laughed as I tried to squeeze in.
One fit.
I bought it.
Then I decided that perhaps I should learn to love skirts and dresses again.
It was a small victory.
I await the day the scale reads the magic numbers I randomly picked and I take a long look in the mirror. I admit to seeing myself in "pieces". I'll glance at my outfits, intently put on makeup and make sure my hair is ok. But to look, really look at myself... to assess the whole package.... freaks me out a little.
It's why there are few pictures of me from age 8 to now. I know I am cute/pretty/attractive on some levels. I have gotten compliments that now my outside is starting to match my inside persona. I know I won't have much in way of reference since I destroyed a lot of the photos of me, and in a way, it's freeing.
I have the odd opportunity to just "start over" in the area of my physical appearance and confidence.
I'm almost ready for my close-up.