Alex Trebek: For how much?
Sean Connery: Suprise me, you filthy bastard!
Alex Trebek: Okay, that's completely unnecessary. Months That Start With Feb for $800. This is the only month that starts with Feb. [ Sean Connery buzzes in ] Mr. Connery?
Sean Connery: Febtober!
Alex Trebek:No. [ Calista Flockhart buzzes in ] Calista Flockhart.
Calista Flockhart: What is.. Febturday?
Alex Trebek: No.
Sean Connery: She said turd!
Alex Trebek: I hate you! The answer was February. That's the month that starts with Feb.
Had I been able to find the video clip, it would be funnier. It's one of my favorites (SNL Season 24, Episode 16). With it being the last day of January, it seemed fitting. That, and the three emails I just read, all asking if I would mind "helping a buddy out". One wants to pick my brain for 'romantic crap that could maybe get me laid', another wants me to cook their sweetie a meal and then babysit so the pair can enjoy the food in peace (but make no mention of paying me-last time I "helped", I was out the money for the food and was told to not return until they called...at 1 a.m.), and the last one wants to use me as an excuse to help 'coordinate a triple date'. That means I have to text at specified times so they can leave after they get whatever they want from said 'dates'. Take a wild guess what day they all want my services for... yup, two weeks from today.
After I stopped laughing so hard I am skipping my cardio, I replied to all of them. After being accused of being selfish and rude, two of them are refusing to talk to me. "You're single, it's not like I'm asking you to change your plans. You don't have any!" I hung up on that one. "You're such a romantic, and I got a date. I just don't know if she's girlfriend material. It's not like I'm NOT gonna call her..." Hung up on that one, too.
So I needed to find that clip, but will settle for the transcript I found online. I couldn't even make it into the month without somebody trying to ruin it. A dating/matching site emailed me, asking me to come back, a sister lamenting that her beau will not be spending Valentine's with her because he has a church youth group thing to do, work is advertising and decorating for the holiday (more than they did for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years), and the flowers to the lovely ladies have already started. I don't really care, and will likely participate in the CareGrams (little slips of paper with a small candy taped to it to tell a coworker you were thinking of them). I helped hang some pink, red and white crepe paper, gave out the recipe for my sugar cookies to include it in a book, and made the decision to not get all worked up.
But stay tuned, anniversary two is coming up.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
"This to, shall pass"
Stress, stress, stress!! It's when I shine, shine, shine. As a side note, it's my mom's birthday. Relevent to the story, I called her to say "Love you, thinking of you on your day". A half hour later, we were closing the convo and she called me on the changes I have been making (aka, getting back to HS me). She asked why I was reverting, and made a comment that 'didn't I hate HS and college?'. The internal answer was mostly yes. I was a social outcast, had more pressure than most teenagers ever know (I am not exaggerating, but know some had it worse), had no clue where I wanted to go in life, and started each day with the thought, "Am I going to survive?". I admit to having horrible lows, even ones that almost ended my days. I never really saw past getting out of college as I walked the halls. Maybe, in a way, I never intended to.
But even as those memories flooded my mind, I answered my mom with a shocker. 'It was hard, but it needed to be. I needed the struggle, both real and just in my head, to learn to live. What didn't kill me, or make me want to kill myself, gave me strength.'
Why bring it up? Between work and its crazy hours, no word on how my car repairs are going, planning an amazing menu, two birthdays in my family, juggling three siblings who are missing me,planning a vacation for the end of the year, my latent crushes, trouble finding clothes that fit in my closet, editing items on my 101/1001 list, having items I bought not fit in the car (so I have to set up alternate plans), loss of sleep, etc, I am doing so well my coworkers swear I am being medicated or smoking something. My hours have kept me from being able to call my friends at decent hours, so what is keeping me together? The same thing that kept me from dissolving into a puddle of goo in HS. Having people I love, making plans to spoil them, feeling needed/wanted, my favorite shampoo, finding an ounce of courage to make a fool of myself, posting comments on friends' pages or blogs, and that annoying sense of hope that tomorrow will be better.
But even as those memories flooded my mind, I answered my mom with a shocker. 'It was hard, but it needed to be. I needed the struggle, both real and just in my head, to learn to live. What didn't kill me, or make me want to kill myself, gave me strength.'
Why bring it up? Between work and its crazy hours, no word on how my car repairs are going, planning an amazing menu, two birthdays in my family, juggling three siblings who are missing me,planning a vacation for the end of the year, my latent crushes, trouble finding clothes that fit in my closet, editing items on my 101/1001 list, having items I bought not fit in the car (so I have to set up alternate plans), loss of sleep, etc, I am doing so well my coworkers swear I am being medicated or smoking something. My hours have kept me from being able to call my friends at decent hours, so what is keeping me together? The same thing that kept me from dissolving into a puddle of goo in HS. Having people I love, making plans to spoil them, feeling needed/wanted, my favorite shampoo, finding an ounce of courage to make a fool of myself, posting comments on friends' pages or blogs, and that annoying sense of hope that tomorrow will be better.
"It's not waiting for the storms to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain"And I feel like learning a few dance moves.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Anniversary One
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
- Ellen Glasgow
Along with the other anniversaries I intend to share, this will hopefully be the last mention of the stories they entail.
Today marks the last time that I talked to my ex. Our breakup was the result of a confession to an offense I could not forgive. I fled less than twelve hours after he came clean. I knew as I tearfully packed my life into various boxes, that I had tried my damndest and had given him all I could. After calling a friend whom helped me assess my stuff from his, I left with no regrets other than being blind to what was right in front of my face. I also left with all the sheets, cookware, dry goods, books, glasses, plates, silverware and alcohol.
I had given him chances during our time together to end the relationship if our mutual evaluation was lacking. He was a leopard that could not change his spots. He also just stopped talking to me.
He made promises to fix things. As the days went on, I realized he was still lying. But we were talking again. Really talking, and even talking about nothing at all. I had even forgiven what I thought I could never get past. A part of me hoped that the years I had invested in "us" would help to keep us close. I thought we could be friends, but his inability to be honest with me or even himself proved too large an obstacle. I was also still in a lot of pain, emotionally.
I let the days pass. The man I loved was an illusion; it took a very long time to realize it was all smoke in mirrors. He was someone that changed me, in a lot of bad ways, but some good. Our split was part of my prompt to get back to who I was before... to rediscover some of the traits I had let go of as I grew older.
So on this day, I intend to have a chuckle at "surviving" without him for a year-and that there is no recipe for one of his favorite dishes I made. [ I also just found out he has a social networking account... and quickly adjusted my settings to keep him from seeing anything of importance.] Along similar lines, here's a comic found on xkcd.com
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
1+1 still equals 2, right?
I stumbled on this: Friend Algorithm
I can relate to Sheldon, especially his over-analyzing of everything. I had hoped to find what I was originally looking for, a comedian talking about how easy it was to make friends as a young kid. You shared something in common, be it a toy, an event, etc and you made friends for life. Now, as adults, it's about "what can this person do for me?".
That's how a lot of my adult friendships have been. I am asked to dog-sit, house-sit, baby-sit and line-sit... that's a lot of sitting! When I ask about going out, suddenly they have plans or give me less than an hour's notice. I get invited places, but it's for things they want me to spend a lot of money on. One gal, in an effort to help out her (real?) friends, invited me to eight various shows in one month...EIGHT! Between the Pampered Chef, TupperWare, Adult, Purses, Avon, etc... I could've spent hundreds. Thankfully, she didn't question me when I told her I had goals I wanted to save for. I would be there, but not buy much, if anything. Other people ask if I'm free on a Sunday afternoon, only to find out that it's for their cousin's third bridal shower and could I please chip in for the present? Or the people I have never met but ask me to add them so they can join my Mafia, Crew, whatever...
So yes I have friends. Friends at work that tend to stay at work, friends on my social networking site that I have never met (nor talk to), people from school that I have a passing interest in how they are doing (or when I was unclear if I wanted to attend my reunion), people that post pictures, blogs that I follow... the list goes on.
But REAL friends? Those are few... and they ebb and flow. The people from work get more of my free time one month, my long term buds, the next. I don't want them to turn into a singular blob... the little groupings they make allow me to access different parts of myself. I miss them when they are not there, but I know that if I wait... the tide will bring them back.
All else fails, I have an algorithm. LMAO
I can relate to Sheldon, especially his over-analyzing of everything. I had hoped to find what I was originally looking for, a comedian talking about how easy it was to make friends as a young kid. You shared something in common, be it a toy, an event, etc and you made friends for life. Now, as adults, it's about "what can this person do for me?".
That's how a lot of my adult friendships have been. I am asked to dog-sit, house-sit, baby-sit and line-sit... that's a lot of sitting! When I ask about going out, suddenly they have plans or give me less than an hour's notice. I get invited places, but it's for things they want me to spend a lot of money on. One gal, in an effort to help out her (real?) friends, invited me to eight various shows in one month...EIGHT! Between the Pampered Chef, TupperWare, Adult, Purses, Avon, etc... I could've spent hundreds. Thankfully, she didn't question me when I told her I had goals I wanted to save for. I would be there, but not buy much, if anything. Other people ask if I'm free on a Sunday afternoon, only to find out that it's for their cousin's third bridal shower and could I please chip in for the present? Or the people I have never met but ask me to add them so they can join my Mafia, Crew, whatever...
So yes I have friends. Friends at work that tend to stay at work, friends on my social networking site that I have never met (nor talk to), people from school that I have a passing interest in how they are doing (or when I was unclear if I wanted to attend my reunion), people that post pictures, blogs that I follow... the list goes on.
But REAL friends? Those are few... and they ebb and flow. The people from work get more of my free time one month, my long term buds, the next. I don't want them to turn into a singular blob... the little groupings they make allow me to access different parts of myself. I miss them when they are not there, but I know that if I wait... the tide will bring them back.
All else fails, I have an algorithm. LMAO
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Go clean your room...
Editing is something I must learn, and to not treat this page as a tell-all book. In my quest to get back to the person I was, I dialed it back too far. I lost my common sense and maturity. I don't think my blog will become a mass success and have a thousand followers. Even so, I need to keep in mind that even with an odd name, others will find it.
I know I am going to lose a little of what I had wanted to keep. I have to sacrifice the childish impulsiveness, and focus on what I am saying, here and elsewhere.
I can only apologize for the weirdness I caused. I got wrapped up in my own silliness-that's an act of a kid, not the adult I should be. I will admit, being so cautious in years past not only bored me, it infuriated me. But running head long will only guarantee injury.
The person I was back then (the person I have been trying desperately to rediscover) had flaws I cannot afford in my present life. I forgot the other part of the promise I had made to myself... to have that kid grow up. A phone call from a friend helped me clarify it.
I've found it very true today something that my mother once told me, "Clean your room and clear your mind". So as I took a day off of work to re-center myself, I have found my bedroom floor and a little more calm.
I know I am going to lose a little of what I had wanted to keep. I have to sacrifice the childish impulsiveness, and focus on what I am saying, here and elsewhere.
I can only apologize for the weirdness I caused. I got wrapped up in my own silliness-that's an act of a kid, not the adult I should be. I will admit, being so cautious in years past not only bored me, it infuriated me. But running head long will only guarantee injury.
The person I was back then (the person I have been trying desperately to rediscover) had flaws I cannot afford in my present life. I forgot the other part of the promise I had made to myself... to have that kid grow up. A phone call from a friend helped me clarify it.
I've found it very true today something that my mother once told me, "Clean your room and clear your mind". So as I took a day off of work to re-center myself, I have found my bedroom floor and a little more calm.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
A little dark....
Had the weirdest, vivid dream last night/morning.
I'm searching a huge abandoned/haunted house. I know I am being watched, I can feel the eyes on me and suddenly harsh arms yank me from one of the doorways. I scream into the nothingness, knowing no one but my captor can hear me. My mind purposely skips ahead, and I'm cowering in front of a guy in a general's uniform. He's laughing at me, tormenting me, relishing in the fact that I have been put through every torture he could imagine. I'm on my hands and knees, barely covered by a makeshift dress (possibly a bedsheet?). It's tattered with streaks of blood everywhere. You can see slashes in the back where I have been whipped, tears along the thigh and hip hinting at other violent acts, burns on my arms, bruises on my neck, wrists and ankles. My head is hung with my face hidden by my hair.
A steel toed boot kicks me in the side, but does not cause me to lose my balance. I'm heaving, not sure whether to puke or cry out. My breathing goes back to normal, and the dress becomes darker on my back- the old wounds re-open and seep. I begin to rise as more people file in, my head still hung.
"You will obey!", the general orders. "You will know your place and OBEY! Restrain her!"
As I stand, I'm staring at the general... smiling. I bring my head up, to look him straight in the eye and two wings shoot out of my back. One's white, the other black and they are almost my full length. A group of men in black uniforms rush me, and I flare my wings out while I spin, knocking them all to the ground.
I stand straight, rolling my shoulders back at stare at my lone enemy. He unsheaths a massive sword and takes a clumsy, overhead strike. I stop the blade between my palms and snap it in half with a twist.
He doesn't have time to react as I turn, my wings out at full spread. I face him again, and see faint lines across his skin and clothes. The lines grow wider as he literally falls to pieces.
Weird, huh?
I'm searching a huge abandoned/haunted house. I know I am being watched, I can feel the eyes on me and suddenly harsh arms yank me from one of the doorways. I scream into the nothingness, knowing no one but my captor can hear me. My mind purposely skips ahead, and I'm cowering in front of a guy in a general's uniform. He's laughing at me, tormenting me, relishing in the fact that I have been put through every torture he could imagine. I'm on my hands and knees, barely covered by a makeshift dress (possibly a bedsheet?). It's tattered with streaks of blood everywhere. You can see slashes in the back where I have been whipped, tears along the thigh and hip hinting at other violent acts, burns on my arms, bruises on my neck, wrists and ankles. My head is hung with my face hidden by my hair.
A steel toed boot kicks me in the side, but does not cause me to lose my balance. I'm heaving, not sure whether to puke or cry out. My breathing goes back to normal, and the dress becomes darker on my back- the old wounds re-open and seep. I begin to rise as more people file in, my head still hung.
"You will obey!", the general orders. "You will know your place and OBEY! Restrain her!"
As I stand, I'm staring at the general... smiling. I bring my head up, to look him straight in the eye and two wings shoot out of my back. One's white, the other black and they are almost my full length. A group of men in black uniforms rush me, and I flare my wings out while I spin, knocking them all to the ground.
I stand straight, rolling my shoulders back at stare at my lone enemy. He unsheaths a massive sword and takes a clumsy, overhead strike. I stop the blade between my palms and snap it in half with a twist.
He doesn't have time to react as I turn, my wings out at full spread. I face him again, and see faint lines across his skin and clothes. The lines grow wider as he literally falls to pieces.
Weird, huh?
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Must find an activity, part 2
I realized now that I hadn't given a proper reason for the title of my last post. Though I am a random person, I want to be a wee bit more organized in my thoughts.
I need to find something to do while I wait for a good show, my arm to stop cramping from knitting, my food to finish cooking, what have you. Whoever stumbles upon these pages will one day say, "Good googley moogley... doesn't this girl have a life?!" In an effort to prove that YES I have a life, (and to be a little lazy), I submit this list I found late 2008.
Feel free to borrow, but I have no idea where it came from.
Highlight your accomplishments for your lifetime.
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (editor note: power was out, little sister needed a bath-we were 7 and 3)
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (still cannot understand why someone would say it and not mean it)
09. Hugged a tree (to keep from falling off the planet as I was THAT drunk)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s nappy (oldest kid here-DUH!)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten tipsy on champagne (for the record, it took 4 BOTTLES to do the job-back when I could hang with the big boys)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (every freaking time!)
27. Been engaged
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger (EPIC fail)
30. Had a snowball fight (Majorly EPIC fail)
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted a river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date (still not sure if it was a date or just hanging out-I'm claiming it anyways!)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children (oldest kid, very busy parents)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (And it's always the same dude in Columbia that sees me as I visit my folks)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds-(SOON)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse (Must do again!)
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame (see #119)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat (one word: CARNIVORE)
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper (holding on to the dude I made)
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (see #150)
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
So :P
I need to find something to do while I wait for a good show, my arm to stop cramping from knitting, my food to finish cooking, what have you. Whoever stumbles upon these pages will one day say, "Good googley moogley... doesn't this girl have a life?!" In an effort to prove that YES I have a life, (and to be a little lazy), I submit this list I found late 2008.
Feel free to borrow, but I have no idea where it came from.
Highlight your accomplishments for your lifetime.
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone (editor note: power was out, little sister needed a bath-we were 7 and 3)
08. Said “I love you” and meant it (still cannot understand why someone would say it and not mean it)
09. Hugged a tree (to keep from falling off the planet as I was THAT drunk)
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s nappy (oldest kid here-DUH!)
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten tipsy on champagne (for the record, it took 4 BOTTLES to do the job-back when I could hang with the big boys)
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment (every freaking time!)
27. Been engaged
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger (EPIC fail)
30. Had a snowball fight (Majorly EPIC fail)
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse of both the sun and moon
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had/Have amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted a river
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Gotten flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date (still not sure if it was a date or just hanging out-I'm claiming it anyways!)
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in a Rocky Horror Picture Show
96. Raised children (oldest kid, very busy parents)
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
98. Passed out cold
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking (And it's always the same dude in Columbia that sees me as I visit my folks)
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds-(SOON)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a TV game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse (Must do again!)
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept 30 hours in a 48 hour time frame (see #119)
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat (one word: CARNIVORE)
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper (holding on to the dude I made)
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about (see #150)
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read “The Iliad”
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
So :P
Friday, January 1, 2010
Must find an activity....
I dislike the times when I can't pinpoint why I am not in a good mood for no reason. So I tried to get happier by taking a shot last night. I felt the alcohol burn in my stomach, and was very quickly not only buzzing but needing to lean on the wall a little. Not doing that again any time soon. I didn't want the night to end, both for not wanting to leave and not wanting to drive home that tired.
Then it happened... my subconscience and my concious had a talk.
I had a recurring dream.
There were supposed to be kids at the party last night, at least that's how I had read the invite. The possibility had triggered the feelings that dream seems to instantaneously pull up.
I don't want to hate kids, or fear them. I have an innate ability to put babies to sleep. As the oldest, I have that "mommy sway" when I stand, and can usually calm a kid from age zero to thirteen.
That dream was a driving force last year for my "crazy" phase where I hit on practically any guy. I refused to let it become a reality. Now I refuse to 1) repeat that error in judgement, and 2) let this dream continue its effect.
So I headed home as everyone else slept. I spent the majority of the day confronting all the emotions, and hiding from the world.
Then I took a nap... As the little sweetheart rose to touch my face, I dug my hands into the couch cushions, bracing myself. Her innocent voice dug deep, dredging up the emotions of the last few years. The good, the bad, the ugly... all flooding through.
"Yes, dear. Once upon a time. Once upon a time, this princess rescued a prince from an evil sorceress that treated him badly. The prince and princess were very happy for a little while, but things didn't end 'Happily Ever After'. I tried dating the court jester, but his comedy was not enough to make me smile. So now I am looking for a kingdom to rule. Your mommy is lucky to have found her prince. Even if mine came today, I wouldn't know it."
I let go of the cushions as the conversations around us resumed and my mind came back to reality.
New year, new me...
Then it happened... my subconscience and my concious had a talk.
I had a recurring dream.
This time I was sitting on a couch, playing with a little girl with curls. We're playing with some dolls, making them interact for dates or maybe a wedding. It's a party, and all the conversations around us stop as the little angel cups my face in her hands and says, "Auntie, have you ever been in love? Mommy says daddy is her prince, where's yours?".I shot up, per usual, my hands flying toward my face to wipe the real tears as they fell and stifle the sigh in my throat.
All I could say as tears welled, "Yes, dear. Once upon a time".
There were supposed to be kids at the party last night, at least that's how I had read the invite. The possibility had triggered the feelings that dream seems to instantaneously pull up.
I don't want to hate kids, or fear them. I have an innate ability to put babies to sleep. As the oldest, I have that "mommy sway" when I stand, and can usually calm a kid from age zero to thirteen.
That dream was a driving force last year for my "crazy" phase where I hit on practically any guy. I refused to let it become a reality. Now I refuse to 1) repeat that error in judgement, and 2) let this dream continue its effect.
So I headed home as everyone else slept. I spent the majority of the day confronting all the emotions, and hiding from the world.
Then I took a nap... As the little sweetheart rose to touch my face, I dug my hands into the couch cushions, bracing myself. Her innocent voice dug deep, dredging up the emotions of the last few years. The good, the bad, the ugly... all flooding through.
"Yes, dear. Once upon a time. Once upon a time, this princess rescued a prince from an evil sorceress that treated him badly. The prince and princess were very happy for a little while, but things didn't end 'Happily Ever After'. I tried dating the court jester, but his comedy was not enough to make me smile. So now I am looking for a kingdom to rule. Your mommy is lucky to have found her prince. Even if mine came today, I wouldn't know it."
I let go of the cushions as the conversations around us resumed and my mind came back to reality.
New year, new me...
RIP
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.-Anatole France
Today, we lay to rest the previous year. In that spirit, I lay to rest the person I was, in search of a more desirable version. Try as I might, some of my behaviors/patterns/mindsets refuse to be altered. But I am choosing to concentrate on my successes.
I've lost some weight and I feel better. If I fail to lose more, I will not lament it. I've crossed a few things off my 101/1001 (and must finish it before the conclustion of 2010!). Since I created it, 45 items have been crossed off. A few are in the works or are half way done (like my list of 101 things that make me happy). I have matured a little in respect to relationships, and have learned to just let go. I let go of the previous pain and the impossible expectations I have imposed on the people that I desire to surround myself with. I know some bad behaviors have crept into my psyche as a result of those expectations and past offenses. Correcting, or at least tempering, them is part of my goal in this new year.
I am looking forward to another year long conclusion, and realized that shortly after THAT one, another anniversary will occur, and yet another. I will try to mark those dates later in my blog with entries devoted to them, and any others I can resonably remember.
As this year ended, I reflected on how far I'd come, and where I want to go. I still have "homework" to finish to help me find my career path (with help from dear, beloved friends). Overall, as I've said before, I think the last year has been a success.
Hope as this year ends, the new one brings you more joy and less stress.
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